Shhhh...It's a Secret!!

So, I have a confession to make. I used to be kind of afraid that someone was going to try to blackmail me at some point in my life with an embarrassing video or story. While I don't have any truly incriminating videos or stories to share, I do have some mildly humorous stories that I can tell so that they are not used as leverage against me at some point in my life. 

1- I can't remember how old I was when this one happened, but I'm thinking I was close to 13. It was just a fairly typical Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church. When it came time for me to find something to wear, I asked my sister, Andrea, if I could wear one of her skirts. After scouring her dignified and fashionable wardrobe, I settled on a plain black skirt. Being the watchful sister she was, she made me wear slip under it. Now, she was playing a duet in church with another girl in our ward, so they were going early to practice. One of my best friends was the younger sister of this girl, so we decided to both go to church at the same time as them. My Dad drove us in our really old car, and Andrea had shotgun. Since we were picking up the two other girls, I sat in the middle seat in the back so that they wouldn't have to slide over. A short drive to the church later, we were all piling out of the car. As I was in the middle seat, I had to slide/scoot over to get out of the door. When I finally managed to get myself out of the car, something didn't quite feel right. In fact, I guess you could say things felt a little breezy. I looked down to find my skirt lying on the ground around my feet, much to my chagrin. I quickly grabbed the skirt and positioned it back where it should be. Did I mention that the skirt was a wee bit too big for me? Apparently the fact that it was a little too big combined with the sliding, and rubbing against the silky slip gave it enough reason to think it was okay to hang out with my feet in the middle of a church parking lot 15 minutes before the meeting was going to begin. Luckily, no one from my ward was arriving at that moment. Unfortunately, our meeting house is on the corner of an intersection, and there were cars stopped. To this day, I'm really not sure if my dad noticed, and just didn't say anything to save me embarrassment, or if he really didn't see a thing. 

2- This next one happened 3-4 years ago. I was paying a routine visit to the eye doctor to get my prescription renewed, pick out glasses, etc. My vision is definitely not great, to put it mildly. However, when I left that day, I'm pretty sure the office assistant was more concerned about my hearing or psychological soundness than my vision. I had just finished all the pre-visit stuff, which is awful really..."Here, take out your contacts. Now lean forward at an awkward angle and keep your eyes open while I blow air into your eyes. Okay, now come stand in the hall and read the lowest line you can. Can you read the line above the giant 'E'? No? Okay, you can go look at glasses while you wait for the eye doctor." Seriously. So, I was "looking" at glasses the best that I could without my contacts in, and the office assistant came up behind me and asked a question. Now, what I heard was, "Are you wearing your contacts?" So I answered, "No, not right now." Simple question, simple answer. Andrea, who was also there, started laughing and said, "Yes, she is Amy." Now, I was really confused. Apparently the assistant had asked if I was Amy, to which I responded, "No, not right now...." "No, I'm not Amy right now. Check back in a few minutes to see who I am then." 

3- Now, this last one happened just a couple weeks ago. Now, it's not quite as embarrassing as the others, but it does perhaps question whether or not I truly deserve the college degree I just earned. You know the part of graduation that takes forever while everyone is presented with their "diploma" and gets their picture taken like 12 times? Yeah, well I was near the end of the line, so I go to stand and wait for everyone to go before me. Now, the people taking pictures try to make it as easy as possible for you to do the right thing during the shot. They even have footprint outlines taped to the floor for you to stand on so you're in the right spot. Well, I went through the first one no problem. The next one was the one where you stand hold your diploma while standing next to the president of UVU and shake someone's hand who you don't really know and smile for the camera. Again, piece of cake. Well, somehow I missed the memo that they were going to be taking pictures when you got down from the stage as well. So I stood there kind of confused for a second, and then I held up my diploma cover and smiled. Guys. I held up my diploma cover with the wrong side facing the camera. They got a shot of the nice green back, rather than the inscribed "Utah Valley University" on the front. I promise I worked hard to get my degree, even if it seems difficult for me to hold my diploma cover the right way for a camera. 

These are seriously the most embarrassing stories I've been able to come up with to share--at least that are appropriate for all audiences and don't incriminate anyone else. I mean, I've definitely had those moments where you think someone is waving to you and you wave back, only to realize they were waving to someone behind you, and you hastily start scratching your neck or combing your fingers through your hair to make it look like you weren't really waving. But the embarrassment with those one moments are a little shorter lived than for these stories I've just told. 

Until I have another incriminating moment, goodbye blogging world!

Service Projects are not for the Weak

Given some of the interesting experiences I've blogged about in my latest posts as well as recent events, I was having a conversation similar to the following with my sister the other day:

Me: "Do things like this happen to most people, or am I just lucky?"
Amanda: "I'm pretty sure you're just lucky..."

With my last "lucky" experience happening on Saturday, it would clearly be too much to ask to go more than 2 days without having another one. For the purposes of this story, I am going to try to outline only the most interesting or obscure parts. Just know that much more happened through the course of the night. 

Last night for family home evening (fhe) we were doing a ward service project at one of the bishopric member's homes. Now, I have the best bishopric in the world, so I was very excited to help out. I went to the clubhouse to meet with everyone and 5-10 minutes later we were on our way. To protect the identity of the individuals in this story, the cast will go as follows:

Girl 1: The only other girl who showed up for the service project. Also dating guy 1.
Guy 1: Dating girl 1.
Guy 2: A guy in my ward who I know only the littlest bit.
Guy 3: The guy who is in a different ward and accidentally ended up with our ward for the night.
Guy 4: The guy in my ward who only has a small role.
Me: Well, let's hope you can figure this one out.

*In the car on the way to the service project. I'm in the back on the drivers side. Girl 1 is driving, guy 1 is in the passenger seat. Guy 3 is next to me in the middle. Guy 2 is in the back passenger side.*

So, you know how when you drive sometimes when you turn you kinda slide a little into the person next to you? Yeah, I was holding on to the handle on my side of the car so I wouldn't slide into the guy next to me. Well, he was in the middle and didn't quite have that luxury. As we went around the first curve that caused him to slide into me a little bit, he began apologizing. I mean I can't really get mad, because it's not exactly his fault.

Guy 3: "I'm sorry! I'm not trying to....oh what's the word? Tenderize you? I'm not trying to tenderize you."
Me: (Trying really hard not to laugh): "You're fine."
Girl 1: Bursts out laughing, causing me to have an even harder time not laughing.

I do have to say that's the first time I've ever had someone trying not to tenderize me. Also during the drive Guy 2 and Guy 3 were talking a lot about girls, and how they when they started dating someone they wanted to be at a point in their lives where they were comfortable expressing their emotions. Guy 3 was also talking about how he was scared of girls, but one of his old co-workers told him that he was a natural flirt. For the record, I was not taking part in this discussion, but was just an innocent bystander. 

We eventually arrived at our destination, and received instructions on what to do. Girl 1 and I made a great team and did all that we could. It got to the point where there wasn't enough for everyone to do, so most of us were talking and waiting to see if there was anything else that we could do to help. Guy 3 took this opportunity to start talking to me.

Guy 3: "So where are you from?"
Me : "West Jordan, originally."
Guy 3: "Oh, is there a high school there?"
Me: "Yeah, there are a couple."
Guy 3: "Do they have a cross country team?"
Me: "I think so."
Guy 3: "Were they 4-A?"
Me: "I have no idea."
Guy 3: "Oh. What year did you graduate."
Me: "2011."
Guy 3: "Oh, I thought you were a lot younger than me. I graduated that year too. I was a year older than most people in my grade though."

The conversation went on about high school for a little bit. It took a turn to college for a little bit, but then wrapped back around to high school. 

Guy 3: "So did you do any sports?"
Me: "Nope."
Guy 3: "Oh, you seem like you would've been athletic. It seems like you would have done sprinting or something."

After a few more minutes of talking to him, Guy 4 jumped in to my rescue and started talking to me, but Guy 3 kept throwing his 2-cents in. Then Girl 1 stole my purse, so we went to her car to go put it away. 

The pizza arrived, and so we went in and washed up and had some pizza. While eating, several interesting conversations took place, a few of which I will outline.

Guy 3: "Is your shirt pink or salmon colored?"
Me: "Pink."
Guy 3: "Oh, well then I like pink."

Another conversation--about girls and dating, of course:
Guy 1: "Well, girl 1 is taken."
Girl 1: "You never know, Amy could be dating too."
Guy 1: "That's true. Amy, are you dating someone? Or do you prefer to keep that private?"
Me: (Seeing safety as well as not wanting to lie) "Uh, I'd prefer to keep that part of my life on the DL."
Guy 1: "I completely understand that."

We watched a little bit of Dancing with the Stars, and then took off. Guy 1 was so kind as to offer me the front seat so that I wouldn't be "tenderized" again... As we are driving the guys are conversing in the back seat, and this is the part of the conversation that I heard:

Guy 1: "Amy's a stick."
Guy 3: "No, I would say she's average."
Guy 1: "She's a beautiful young lady."
Guy 2: "All girls are beautiful."
Guy 1: "I don't think all girls are beautiful."
Guy 3: "How would Heavenly Father feel about you saying that about some of his daughters?"
I decided I needed to jump in and intervene in this conversation, so I did.
Me: "So, here's the things. All guys and girls are attracted to different types of people, which is wonderful because it makes this world work."
It distracted them for a little bit, but it eventually wrapped back around.

Guy 1: "I'd give Amy a 40."
Guy 3: "I'd give her 100."
Guy 1: "I'm going off of the score from Dancing with the Stars, so she has the highest score."
Guy 3: "I'd give her 100 percent."
Guy 1: "It's the same thing..."

Just about now, there was a spark of inspiration, and we turned the radio up and that was a beautiful decision. 

As we are driving on the freeway, Girl 1 notices that she was speeding, so she slows down, but still got pulled over. So, we got to sit tight in the shoulder for a little bit. When the officer brought her stuff back, he said something about how she was probably distracted by the guys talking in the back seat. One of them said something about them being too attractive, and Guy 3 decided to throw in his opinion that the girls were the attractive ones in the car. 

As we are finally approaching the apartment complex, I again overhear part of a conversation:
Guy 1: (talking about me) "But you don't know if she's dating anyone. She decided not to tell us."
Guy 2: "Well if she isn't, I wouldn't mind being on her radar."
Guy 3: "I wouldn't mind being on her radar either."

Just then, we pulled up right outside the sidewalk where I was being dropped off, so I was spared any comments I might have had to say. I hopped out of the car and booked it to my apartment. I found out later that Guy 2 and Guy 3 kept talking about me after I left too.

You know that youtube video, "David After the Dentist?" Two quotes from that movie were circulating throughout my thoughts the entire night, the first being, "Is this real life?" The second was, "Is this going to be forever?" Never has my life been under the microscope in front of me for so much of an evening. Let's just say I'm hoping that it won't happen again any time soon. I've had my fill of being "lucky" for a while.