Of Life's Embarrassing Moments...

It was brought to my attention after my last blog post that I left out a very funny dating story of mine. While this one was not as awkward as the others, it is probably worth mentioning. But, if I'm going to tell a story that is potentially embarrassing to the other party involved, I feel it is only fair that I divulge one of my embarrassing date moments first. 

It was a Saturday night, I believe, and I was going on a date with this guy who I thought was really cute and kind of liked. He was taking me laser tagging, which I had never done before. Anyone who knows me knows that I am usually up for anything so long as I feel I'm not going to get seriously injured in the process, so laser tagging it was. We went and played a couple of games, and it was a lot of fun! When we came outside after, it was pouring rain. So, we ran to his car and quickly got in. We decided to go back to my apartment to hang out and play some games. It was still raining really hard when we made it to my apartment. Now, there is this little grassy hill that I would always walk over to get to my apartment, rather than following the sidewalk around--which was like and extra 15 feet. My date went over the hill first a slipped just a tiny bit, and he warned me that it was slippery. So, I was treading very carefully as I tried to sneak over the hill. But, it was to no avail, because I slipped...and fell. Suffice it to say that I left quite the impression on the hill, as well as getting several layers of clothing muddy and wet. It was kind of embarrassing, but it was also funny! 

After I changed clothes, we played some games and eventually got on Pinterest. I'm not at liberty to say which one of us had the Pinterest account, because I was sworn to secrecy. ;) While talking, he told me about how he once had a roommate who was dating this girl, and they both wanted him (my date) to go on a date with her roommate. He didn't want to, but felt pressured. So begrudgingly he set up a date with her. Well, the day of the date came along, and he really didn't want to go, so he called and cancelled because he was "sick." Well, his roommate found out and made him reschedule. This time, when the day of the date came around, he really wasn't feeling well, but he didn't think he should cancel again. They were just going to watch a movie, and he was hoping to just make it through the movie. The movie hadn't even started before he started to feel extremely sick. He stood up, and said he just needed to go walk around outside for a second. Before he could make it outside, he threw-up right in her entry way. So...they didn't finish that date, or go on another one for that matter. Our date came to an end for that night, but there were others to follow, regardless of me making a fool of myself.

On one of these other dates, he picked me up and we went over to the Riverwoods to have dinner and then look at the gingerbread houses that the various stores had designed. We went to Macaroni Grill for dinner, which was really good. Then we went over to check out the gingerbread houses, which were fun to look at, but you could only look at them for so long. As we left the gingerbread house display, we started to just walk around the area. It was a nice night for December, and there were streams of lights up. I thought we might walk around and talk for a little bit. All of the sudden, my date thought we should go, so we started walking back to his car. When we were just a few feet away from his car, he kind of pushed me to the side and turned away just as he threw-up all over the parking lot. Poor guy! If it wasn't embarrassing enough to throw up on one date, he had thrown up on two! I didn't quite know what to say, but I did think the whole thing was kind of funny. (Even if a little throw-up had gotten on my shoe and pant-leg). The ride back to his apartment was very quiet. I'm sure he didn't know what to say because he was kind of embarrassed, and I couldn't say anything because I knew if I tried I was going to burst out laughing, and I didn't want to make him feel worse. He told me that earlier in the day he hadn't been feeling too great, but he didn't want to cancel on me, especially because of the story he had told me about cancelling on the other girl. After contemplating playing games for a while that night, we decided to call it quits just to be safe. (And just for the record, we did go on additional dates after that incident, just like we had after I slipped on the hill).

As much fun as dating can be, I guess it's also a little unpredictable! That's okay though, because I like living on the wild side. 

What Did You Say???

As graduation approaches, I feel that it is appropriate to reflect on the past (almost) 3 years that I've spent in Provo and some of the crazy things that have happened. To kick it off, I have dedicated this blog post to some of the crazy experiences I have had involving guys. Buckle-up, 'cause it's gonna be a wild ride!

How NOT to pick up a girl (I assure you that all of these stories are true):

1- At an institute dance in the first month that I had been moved out, this guy started dancing with me and my friends. Not too concerning yet, right? Well he asked me to dance one of the last slow songs with him, so I said yes. As we starting talking, I learned that he had only been in the U.S. for about 6 weeks, before which he was home in Africa. Toward the beginning of the dance he looked at me and said, "You are so beautiful." in his accented English. I didn't really know how to respond, so I just said thank you and was planning on moving on. Apparently he had other plans, because he just kept staring at me saying things like, "You are just so beautiful. Your eyes, they're blue, so beautiful." Luckily, he asked me to tell him about myself, so I decided to go with the pretty safe answer about family and school. He then proceeded to tell me, "When you tell me about yourself you forget to tell me you're beautiful." Again, I experienced that feeling of having no idea how to respond to that. Luckily the song was almost over, but he still managed to ask me if he could write me when he got home. (I still have no idea if he meant write me from home in Africa, or text me from home in Orem...). The song ended, though, and he was distracted, although not so distracted that it stopped him from grabbing my hand and walking with me to the edge of the gym where my shoes were. 

2- The Bunny story. Probably my absolute favorite. On my Tuesday/Thursday schedule, I had just over an hour between two of my classes that I usually used to study. I found this quiet study area right outside of my next class complete with tables that worked great. One day while I was studying, this guy (kinda grungy-looking, I'm guessing mid-to-late thirties) started talking to me. He just kind of stood there, and then our conversation went as follows:
Him: "What are you studying?"
Me: "I'm studying for my psychology class right now."
Him: "Oh, I'm a psychology major."
Me: "Oh.."
Him: (He said something about a movie and Colorado, I still have no idea what, and then walked away)

The next time I went to go and study there he took a seat diagonally to me at the table, after which this is the conversation we had:
Him: "What are you studying?"
Me: "I'm studying for my psychology class right now."
Him: "Oh, I'm a psychology major."
Me: "Oh.."
Him: (Says something about a movie and Colorado. Again, I have no idea what.)
Then we both studied in silence.

The next (and might I add last) time I studied there he came and sat right across from me and promptly started this conversation:
Him: "I breed bunnies. Have you ever bred bunnies?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Oh, well it's really not hard. You just put them all in the cage and they do the rest."
Me: *silence, embarrassment that everyone in the study area is listening to our conversation*
Him: "I was really worried about one of my females, because she just wasn't producing. But then I realized...she's a male!"
Me: *starting to put my stuff away hoping for a quick getaway*

Him: "Isn't it early for your class to start?"
Me: *mortified that he knows my schedule* "I'm just packing up now."
Him: "Okay."
I realized that his class started the same time as mine and was right next door, but it still startled me enough that I never studied there again.

3- The hair-flipper dude. As I was riding the bus home from my last nutrition class, this guy (I was assuming it was a guy, but it took me about half of the bus ride to be sure of my answer) came and sat next to me even though there were lots of empty spots. He was breaking the unspoken bus-riding rule 101. NEVER sit by anyone if there are empty seats available elsewhere where you won't be sitting next to anyone. So already I thought it was kinda weird. Then he flips his hair out of his face and just stares at me. At this point, I was thinking I must know him or something, because he was staring me down. So I turn to look, and I definitely don't know him, and he's just grinning away. Then he proceeds to take my bus pass/UVU ID out of my hand and looks at it. He says, "Nice." and then hands it back. Needless to say I ignored him for the rest of the ride, and he stared at me for the rest of the ride. 

4- Toilet flush cycle guy. So, this guy sat next to me on the bus on the way home from UVU one day. He was friendly enough. As we conversed, he asked me if I had seen the new science building. I told him that I had walked through it a couple of times. He asked if I had seen one of the bathrooms in there. I told him I hadn't, to which he responded, "Oh. They're pretty cool. They have 2 flush cycles. One for if you go number one, one for if, you know...you go number two." I think he realized half-way through that he was discussing the flushing cycles of a toilet with a girl he didn't really know on public transportation where everyone was listening to what he was saying. 

5- The "I really wanted to watch you eat fried chicken" guy. So this guy  in my ward was making it quite obvious that he was interested in me. He was on the same committee as me, which didn't help matters at all. The day I realized my suspicions were indeed true unfolded as follows: My ward was having break the fast, and the ward prayer committee was going to meet right after to plan ward prayer for later that evening. As we were throwing our garbage away, this guy started to pretend that the garbage can was cookie monster, and pushed the foot-pedal to make the lid open and close as he talked. I saw him look for my reaction. Then we went to our meeting and he laughed really hard at everything I said, whether it was funny or not. 

A few days later, I guess he told a girl in my ward that he really wanted to go out with me, but that I wouldn't go out with him. (Need I add that he hadn't ever asked me out on a date?) Well, he got around to asking me on a date. I used every excuse I could think of: homework, finals, studying, cleaning checks, etc. but he wouldn't take no for an answer. So, it was decided that he would come help me clean for white gloves. We decided that he would come over at noon. I got home a little before noon and quickly ate a yogurt so I could say I had eaten if the subject arose. A little after 12:00, he called me and asked if I was home. I said I was, and he wanted to know why I hadn't called him when I got home. I told him that we were just planning on starting at noon, so I didn't feel the need to call. He then asked me if I had eaten, and I told him I had. He was disappointed because he was hoping to bring some lunch over from his work (KFC). I told him that I wasn't hungry. So he tried the guilt-trip approach next, with the whole "I guess I'm just going to have to eat all of it then..." Which was just fine with me. He wasn't very pleased, so he decided that he would bring it over to eat. I think he was hoping that by bringing the chicken over I would be tempted above what I was able, and I would succumb to his requests that I have lunch with him. He brought the chicken over and leaned against the counter top, letting his stomach rest comfortably on the top of the counter. He then noisily devoured his chicken, and placed the bones in with the rest of the uneaten chicken. If I ever was considering having a piece before then, I definitely wasn't considering it then. He decided to try one more time to get me to eat it saying, "I was really looking forward to watching you eat the chicken." Um...can you say creepy? 

After that whole incident, we started cleaning. I was washing dishes and clearing out the sink, and he decided to clean the oven/stove which conveniently was directly across from the sink in a some-what narrow space. I'm pretty sure his intent was to get close to me, which wasn't okay, so I switched to wall-washing and let him finish the stove/oven. As we were cleaning, he found an empty make-up kit box, and asked if it was mine. I told him that it wasn't, and he said he didn't think it was because I didn't wear a lot of make-up. He said that that was one of the things he noticed about me at church. After that I started wearing more make-up to church.

Just when I thought our cleaning, and so our date, was coming to a close, he wanted to take me to get a Jamba Juice after which he said he would take me back home. A Jamba Juice did sound really nice--especially considering that it would be free--and I thought it was probably the quickest route to ending the date anyway, so I said yes. After we got our Jamba, instead of taking me home, he took me to the mall so we could "walk around while we had our Jamba." On our way to the mall, he told me that any time I wanted to go out to eat or if there was a nice restaurant I wanted to try, to just give him a call and he would be happy to take me. As we started walking around the mall, he explained to me how to win monopoly based on his own statistical evidence he had accumulated. (Since I play monopoly SO much....). 

We left the mall, and I thought my freedom was finally in sight, but it was not to be. He then took me to the dollar theater where we played air hockey. He started to get a little flustered that I was winning at first, and told me that he wasn't going to go easy on me, because it was a big deal if I beat him. He said (to my horror) he would be able to tell everyone that I beat him at air hockey and he wasn't even going easy on me. Luckily, he won, so I didn't have to suffer such embarrassment. 

The homeward stretch was finally coming into view as we left air hockey and he was finally taking me home. But I was not released until he had a sufficient amount of time to tell me of his plans for his future--wife, kids, better job--the works. Then he told me that he really wanted to take me on a date to KFC sometime where we could go back into the kitchen, because he worked there, and make some chicken sandwiches for ourselves. You know, I'm pretty open to new date ideas, but I have to draw the line somewhere, and it was definitely drawn there. 

From start to finish the date was about 5 hours, which was more than enough to last me a lifetime. After a few weeks of not making eye contact at church, and ignoring texts and phone calls, I was left in peace. 

Most of those occurred in the first year I was at school. Since then, the experiences I have had with boys are what you might classify as a little more "normal." Here's to hoping that normal they stay!

Autotracities

"One who operates the vehicle should, in all logic, be smarter than the individual and or combined functions of the parts and mechanics of said vehicle." -- What Should Have been in the "Amy Car Manual" and wasn't

Seriously guys, I am the worst when it comes to cars. At one point I may or may not have had any clue where the battery was located. Yeah, it's that bad. And, apparently it shows too, because every time I go to Auto Zone the workers always help me and explain things very simply and slowly. 

Many know about my topping off my oil incident that happened awhile back, but for those who don't, I'll re-cap. Being the dedicated car owner that I am, I figured I should probably check my transmission fluid and oil levels. (Sounds like a good and harmless thing to do, right?) So, I checked the levels and the oil seemed a little low, so I decided to buy some oil to top it off. I head to my local Walmart and proceed to the auto section. With little trouble I located the oil section. To my dismay, there were lots of oil options, and I had no idea what one I needed to get. So, I called my dad, and it turns out that I needed to look in my manual to figure out what kind of oil it needs. Who would have thought? I didn't want to go home empty handed, however, so I was hoping I could have a lucky guess. I guessed alright, but it certainly wasn't lucky. Another trip to Walmart and 15 minutes in the oil aisle later, I left with the right oil in tow. In those 15 minutes in the oil aisle, I may have called my dad and had a similar conversation to the following:

Me: "So, do I need to buy a funnel or anything to get the oil in my car?"
Dad: "No, you should be fine without one."
Me: "Are you sure? It seems like a really small hole to pour the oil in. I don't want to make a mess in my car."
Dad: "I don't think you need one. Just pour slowly."

A few days passed and my cousin, Laura, and I decide to check and top-off the fluid levels in our cars. We soon had both of our hoods up, talking amiably as we checked fluid levels. (It's possible that I accidentally pushed my horn while popping my hood and glared at Laura thinking that she was actually the culprit.) After checking the levels I decided that I did need to put more oil in my car. I noticed this big lid thing in my car that had an oil symbol on it. While I had been planning on pouring the oil down the tube that the dipstick went in, I started to reconsider. It certainly would be much easier to pour it in there instead of down the tube--and I definitely wouldn't need a funnel. Things suddenly were becoming more clear. Just to make sure I wasn't about to pour oil in my engine or something, I called Dad to make sure it was safe. I explained that I had thought that I had to pour the oil down the tube, so that's why I thought I needed a funnel. I appreciated that he only laughed a little bit at my ignorance. While talking on the phone, I was kind of waving the dipstick around --in lieu of the hand movements I normally make while talking--and the hood of my car was still up. Some guy in a pick-up came to see if I needed help. Apparently my ignorance shows even at a distance.

Since then, I've done pretty well. Until today, that is. If my hair wasn't blonde already, I would probably be going to the store to get some dye. On Sunday, I was going to a game night, and as I started to drive my car, I noticed that there was this bright blue light on my dashboard that I've never seen before. I concluded that it must be my brights, and thought it was weird that the light was suddenly showing, because I did the same thing that I always did. I started to wonder if I always drove with my brights on, and the light had just never worked. Then, I remembered that I went to get my oil changed on Tuesday and this was the first time I had driven in the dark since then. It was like a mini light bulb went off. They must have bumped some wire or something and the light on my dashboard was finally working again. So, I turned my lights down one setting and started driving. My lights seemed really dim, but the streets were well-lit so it was kind of hard to tell for sure. After driving back home though, I was pretty sure both of my headlights were out. When it rains, it pours. I definitely needed to replace both of my headlights. 

A couple days later, I came home to do safety and emissions and all that fun stuff for my car, so my mom and I thought that we should figure out all of the lights that needed to be replaced and get that done before taking my car in. So we tested all of them, and came to the conclusion that I definitely needed to replace the headlights. I can't even tell you how many times I switched my lights from their highest setting to their lowest. On their lowest, they barely did anything at all. 

After grabbing some new headlights, we put one of the new ones in, and tested it...and the result was the same. The brights worked great, but there was next to nothing on the other setting. It was an electrical problem. That could be the only explanation for why the lights still weren't working, and why both of them went out at the same time. My mom came to try one more time, and she pushed the turn-signal-stick-thing, and it was like magic. All of the sudden, my  brights were off and my headlights were working magnificently. Who knew that you controlled the brights with the turn-signal-stick-thing? Seriously these car designers could be a little more logical. 

It turns out that the whole time I was testing my lights I was switching from what I was thinking of as the high setting (which is normal headlights), to what I was thinking of as the low setting (which is the parking lights). The turn-signal-stick-thing had just been pushed to the "bright" setting, so that's why my brights were the only thing working. 

A few tears of embarrassment and  hours later, the situation is starting to seem funny. Although, it has done nothing to make me feel more competent with cars--or anything mechanical for that matter. 

On the bright side though--sorry, couldn't resist a little pun there--I should have some good headlights for some years to come. And, I have the old set as back-up in case of emergencies. And, I did learn how to change a headlight.

This brings my autotracities up to date, but stay tuned, for I'm sure this is just the beginning chapter in a lengthy novel. Let's just hope it's not a series!!