Autotracities

"One who operates the vehicle should, in all logic, be smarter than the individual and or combined functions of the parts and mechanics of said vehicle." -- What Should Have been in the "Amy Car Manual" and wasn't

Seriously guys, I am the worst when it comes to cars. At one point I may or may not have had any clue where the battery was located. Yeah, it's that bad. And, apparently it shows too, because every time I go to Auto Zone the workers always help me and explain things very simply and slowly. 

Many know about my topping off my oil incident that happened awhile back, but for those who don't, I'll re-cap. Being the dedicated car owner that I am, I figured I should probably check my transmission fluid and oil levels. (Sounds like a good and harmless thing to do, right?) So, I checked the levels and the oil seemed a little low, so I decided to buy some oil to top it off. I head to my local Walmart and proceed to the auto section. With little trouble I located the oil section. To my dismay, there were lots of oil options, and I had no idea what one I needed to get. So, I called my dad, and it turns out that I needed to look in my manual to figure out what kind of oil it needs. Who would have thought? I didn't want to go home empty handed, however, so I was hoping I could have a lucky guess. I guessed alright, but it certainly wasn't lucky. Another trip to Walmart and 15 minutes in the oil aisle later, I left with the right oil in tow. In those 15 minutes in the oil aisle, I may have called my dad and had a similar conversation to the following:

Me: "So, do I need to buy a funnel or anything to get the oil in my car?"
Dad: "No, you should be fine without one."
Me: "Are you sure? It seems like a really small hole to pour the oil in. I don't want to make a mess in my car."
Dad: "I don't think you need one. Just pour slowly."

A few days passed and my cousin, Laura, and I decide to check and top-off the fluid levels in our cars. We soon had both of our hoods up, talking amiably as we checked fluid levels. (It's possible that I accidentally pushed my horn while popping my hood and glared at Laura thinking that she was actually the culprit.) After checking the levels I decided that I did need to put more oil in my car. I noticed this big lid thing in my car that had an oil symbol on it. While I had been planning on pouring the oil down the tube that the dipstick went in, I started to reconsider. It certainly would be much easier to pour it in there instead of down the tube--and I definitely wouldn't need a funnel. Things suddenly were becoming more clear. Just to make sure I wasn't about to pour oil in my engine or something, I called Dad to make sure it was safe. I explained that I had thought that I had to pour the oil down the tube, so that's why I thought I needed a funnel. I appreciated that he only laughed a little bit at my ignorance. While talking on the phone, I was kind of waving the dipstick around --in lieu of the hand movements I normally make while talking--and the hood of my car was still up. Some guy in a pick-up came to see if I needed help. Apparently my ignorance shows even at a distance.

Since then, I've done pretty well. Until today, that is. If my hair wasn't blonde already, I would probably be going to the store to get some dye. On Sunday, I was going to a game night, and as I started to drive my car, I noticed that there was this bright blue light on my dashboard that I've never seen before. I concluded that it must be my brights, and thought it was weird that the light was suddenly showing, because I did the same thing that I always did. I started to wonder if I always drove with my brights on, and the light had just never worked. Then, I remembered that I went to get my oil changed on Tuesday and this was the first time I had driven in the dark since then. It was like a mini light bulb went off. They must have bumped some wire or something and the light on my dashboard was finally working again. So, I turned my lights down one setting and started driving. My lights seemed really dim, but the streets were well-lit so it was kind of hard to tell for sure. After driving back home though, I was pretty sure both of my headlights were out. When it rains, it pours. I definitely needed to replace both of my headlights. 

A couple days later, I came home to do safety and emissions and all that fun stuff for my car, so my mom and I thought that we should figure out all of the lights that needed to be replaced and get that done before taking my car in. So we tested all of them, and came to the conclusion that I definitely needed to replace the headlights. I can't even tell you how many times I switched my lights from their highest setting to their lowest. On their lowest, they barely did anything at all. 

After grabbing some new headlights, we put one of the new ones in, and tested it...and the result was the same. The brights worked great, but there was next to nothing on the other setting. It was an electrical problem. That could be the only explanation for why the lights still weren't working, and why both of them went out at the same time. My mom came to try one more time, and she pushed the turn-signal-stick-thing, and it was like magic. All of the sudden, my  brights were off and my headlights were working magnificently. Who knew that you controlled the brights with the turn-signal-stick-thing? Seriously these car designers could be a little more logical. 

It turns out that the whole time I was testing my lights I was switching from what I was thinking of as the high setting (which is normal headlights), to what I was thinking of as the low setting (which is the parking lights). The turn-signal-stick-thing had just been pushed to the "bright" setting, so that's why my brights were the only thing working. 

A few tears of embarrassment and  hours later, the situation is starting to seem funny. Although, it has done nothing to make me feel more competent with cars--or anything mechanical for that matter. 

On the bright side though--sorry, couldn't resist a little pun there--I should have some good headlights for some years to come. And, I have the old set as back-up in case of emergencies. And, I did learn how to change a headlight.

This brings my autotracities up to date, but stay tuned, for I'm sure this is just the beginning chapter in a lengthy novel. Let's just hope it's not a series!!