What Did You Say???

As graduation approaches, I feel that it is appropriate to reflect on the past (almost) 3 years that I've spent in Provo and some of the crazy things that have happened. To kick it off, I have dedicated this blog post to some of the crazy experiences I have had involving guys. Buckle-up, 'cause it's gonna be a wild ride!

How NOT to pick up a girl (I assure you that all of these stories are true):

1- At an institute dance in the first month that I had been moved out, this guy started dancing with me and my friends. Not too concerning yet, right? Well he asked me to dance one of the last slow songs with him, so I said yes. As we starting talking, I learned that he had only been in the U.S. for about 6 weeks, before which he was home in Africa. Toward the beginning of the dance he looked at me and said, "You are so beautiful." in his accented English. I didn't really know how to respond, so I just said thank you and was planning on moving on. Apparently he had other plans, because he just kept staring at me saying things like, "You are just so beautiful. Your eyes, they're blue, so beautiful." Luckily, he asked me to tell him about myself, so I decided to go with the pretty safe answer about family and school. He then proceeded to tell me, "When you tell me about yourself you forget to tell me you're beautiful." Again, I experienced that feeling of having no idea how to respond to that. Luckily the song was almost over, but he still managed to ask me if he could write me when he got home. (I still have no idea if he meant write me from home in Africa, or text me from home in Orem...). The song ended, though, and he was distracted, although not so distracted that it stopped him from grabbing my hand and walking with me to the edge of the gym where my shoes were. 

2- The Bunny story. Probably my absolute favorite. On my Tuesday/Thursday schedule, I had just over an hour between two of my classes that I usually used to study. I found this quiet study area right outside of my next class complete with tables that worked great. One day while I was studying, this guy (kinda grungy-looking, I'm guessing mid-to-late thirties) started talking to me. He just kind of stood there, and then our conversation went as follows:
Him: "What are you studying?"
Me: "I'm studying for my psychology class right now."
Him: "Oh, I'm a psychology major."
Me: "Oh.."
Him: (He said something about a movie and Colorado, I still have no idea what, and then walked away)

The next time I went to go and study there he took a seat diagonally to me at the table, after which this is the conversation we had:
Him: "What are you studying?"
Me: "I'm studying for my psychology class right now."
Him: "Oh, I'm a psychology major."
Me: "Oh.."
Him: (Says something about a movie and Colorado. Again, I have no idea what.)
Then we both studied in silence.

The next (and might I add last) time I studied there he came and sat right across from me and promptly started this conversation:
Him: "I breed bunnies. Have you ever bred bunnies?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Oh, well it's really not hard. You just put them all in the cage and they do the rest."
Me: *silence, embarrassment that everyone in the study area is listening to our conversation*
Him: "I was really worried about one of my females, because she just wasn't producing. But then I realized...she's a male!"
Me: *starting to put my stuff away hoping for a quick getaway*

Him: "Isn't it early for your class to start?"
Me: *mortified that he knows my schedule* "I'm just packing up now."
Him: "Okay."
I realized that his class started the same time as mine and was right next door, but it still startled me enough that I never studied there again.

3- The hair-flipper dude. As I was riding the bus home from my last nutrition class, this guy (I was assuming it was a guy, but it took me about half of the bus ride to be sure of my answer) came and sat next to me even though there were lots of empty spots. He was breaking the unspoken bus-riding rule 101. NEVER sit by anyone if there are empty seats available elsewhere where you won't be sitting next to anyone. So already I thought it was kinda weird. Then he flips his hair out of his face and just stares at me. At this point, I was thinking I must know him or something, because he was staring me down. So I turn to look, and I definitely don't know him, and he's just grinning away. Then he proceeds to take my bus pass/UVU ID out of my hand and looks at it. He says, "Nice." and then hands it back. Needless to say I ignored him for the rest of the ride, and he stared at me for the rest of the ride. 

4- Toilet flush cycle guy. So, this guy sat next to me on the bus on the way home from UVU one day. He was friendly enough. As we conversed, he asked me if I had seen the new science building. I told him that I had walked through it a couple of times. He asked if I had seen one of the bathrooms in there. I told him I hadn't, to which he responded, "Oh. They're pretty cool. They have 2 flush cycles. One for if you go number one, one for if, you know...you go number two." I think he realized half-way through that he was discussing the flushing cycles of a toilet with a girl he didn't really know on public transportation where everyone was listening to what he was saying. 

5- The "I really wanted to watch you eat fried chicken" guy. So this guy  in my ward was making it quite obvious that he was interested in me. He was on the same committee as me, which didn't help matters at all. The day I realized my suspicions were indeed true unfolded as follows: My ward was having break the fast, and the ward prayer committee was going to meet right after to plan ward prayer for later that evening. As we were throwing our garbage away, this guy started to pretend that the garbage can was cookie monster, and pushed the foot-pedal to make the lid open and close as he talked. I saw him look for my reaction. Then we went to our meeting and he laughed really hard at everything I said, whether it was funny or not. 

A few days later, I guess he told a girl in my ward that he really wanted to go out with me, but that I wouldn't go out with him. (Need I add that he hadn't ever asked me out on a date?) Well, he got around to asking me on a date. I used every excuse I could think of: homework, finals, studying, cleaning checks, etc. but he wouldn't take no for an answer. So, it was decided that he would come help me clean for white gloves. We decided that he would come over at noon. I got home a little before noon and quickly ate a yogurt so I could say I had eaten if the subject arose. A little after 12:00, he called me and asked if I was home. I said I was, and he wanted to know why I hadn't called him when I got home. I told him that we were just planning on starting at noon, so I didn't feel the need to call. He then asked me if I had eaten, and I told him I had. He was disappointed because he was hoping to bring some lunch over from his work (KFC). I told him that I wasn't hungry. So he tried the guilt-trip approach next, with the whole "I guess I'm just going to have to eat all of it then..." Which was just fine with me. He wasn't very pleased, so he decided that he would bring it over to eat. I think he was hoping that by bringing the chicken over I would be tempted above what I was able, and I would succumb to his requests that I have lunch with him. He brought the chicken over and leaned against the counter top, letting his stomach rest comfortably on the top of the counter. He then noisily devoured his chicken, and placed the bones in with the rest of the uneaten chicken. If I ever was considering having a piece before then, I definitely wasn't considering it then. He decided to try one more time to get me to eat it saying, "I was really looking forward to watching you eat the chicken." Um...can you say creepy? 

After that whole incident, we started cleaning. I was washing dishes and clearing out the sink, and he decided to clean the oven/stove which conveniently was directly across from the sink in a some-what narrow space. I'm pretty sure his intent was to get close to me, which wasn't okay, so I switched to wall-washing and let him finish the stove/oven. As we were cleaning, he found an empty make-up kit box, and asked if it was mine. I told him that it wasn't, and he said he didn't think it was because I didn't wear a lot of make-up. He said that that was one of the things he noticed about me at church. After that I started wearing more make-up to church.

Just when I thought our cleaning, and so our date, was coming to a close, he wanted to take me to get a Jamba Juice after which he said he would take me back home. A Jamba Juice did sound really nice--especially considering that it would be free--and I thought it was probably the quickest route to ending the date anyway, so I said yes. After we got our Jamba, instead of taking me home, he took me to the mall so we could "walk around while we had our Jamba." On our way to the mall, he told me that any time I wanted to go out to eat or if there was a nice restaurant I wanted to try, to just give him a call and he would be happy to take me. As we started walking around the mall, he explained to me how to win monopoly based on his own statistical evidence he had accumulated. (Since I play monopoly SO much....). 

We left the mall, and I thought my freedom was finally in sight, but it was not to be. He then took me to the dollar theater where we played air hockey. He started to get a little flustered that I was winning at first, and told me that he wasn't going to go easy on me, because it was a big deal if I beat him. He said (to my horror) he would be able to tell everyone that I beat him at air hockey and he wasn't even going easy on me. Luckily, he won, so I didn't have to suffer such embarrassment. 

The homeward stretch was finally coming into view as we left air hockey and he was finally taking me home. But I was not released until he had a sufficient amount of time to tell me of his plans for his future--wife, kids, better job--the works. Then he told me that he really wanted to take me on a date to KFC sometime where we could go back into the kitchen, because he worked there, and make some chicken sandwiches for ourselves. You know, I'm pretty open to new date ideas, but I have to draw the line somewhere, and it was definitely drawn there. 

From start to finish the date was about 5 hours, which was more than enough to last me a lifetime. After a few weeks of not making eye contact at church, and ignoring texts and phone calls, I was left in peace. 

Most of those occurred in the first year I was at school. Since then, the experiences I have had with boys are what you might classify as a little more "normal." Here's to hoping that normal they stay!