So, I have a confession to make. I used to be kind of afraid that someone was going to try to blackmail me at some point in my life with an embarrassing video or story. While I don't have any truly incriminating videos or stories to share, I do have some mildly humorous stories that I can tell so that they are not used as leverage against me at some point in my life.
1- I can't remember how old I was when this one happened, but I'm thinking I was close to 13. It was just a fairly typical Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church. When it came time for me to find something to wear, I asked my sister, Andrea, if I could wear one of her skirts. After scouring her dignified and fashionable wardrobe, I settled on a plain black skirt. Being the watchful sister she was, she made me wear slip under it. Now, she was playing a duet in church with another girl in our ward, so they were going early to practice. One of my best friends was the younger sister of this girl, so we decided to both go to church at the same time as them. My Dad drove us in our really old car, and Andrea had shotgun. Since we were picking up the two other girls, I sat in the middle seat in the back so that they wouldn't have to slide over. A short drive to the church later, we were all piling out of the car. As I was in the middle seat, I had to slide/scoot over to get out of the door. When I finally managed to get myself out of the car, something didn't quite feel right. In fact, I guess you could say things felt a little breezy. I looked down to find my skirt lying on the ground around my feet, much to my chagrin. I quickly grabbed the skirt and positioned it back where it should be. Did I mention that the skirt was a wee bit too big for me? Apparently the fact that it was a little too big combined with the sliding, and rubbing against the silky slip gave it enough reason to think it was okay to hang out with my feet in the middle of a church parking lot 15 minutes before the meeting was going to begin. Luckily, no one from my ward was arriving at that moment. Unfortunately, our meeting house is on the corner of an intersection, and there were cars stopped. To this day, I'm really not sure if my dad noticed, and just didn't say anything to save me embarrassment, or if he really didn't see a thing.
2- This next one happened 3-4 years ago. I was paying a routine visit to the eye doctor to get my prescription renewed, pick out glasses, etc. My vision is definitely not great, to put it mildly. However, when I left that day, I'm pretty sure the office assistant was more concerned about my hearing or psychological soundness than my vision. I had just finished all the pre-visit stuff, which is awful really..."Here, take out your contacts. Now lean forward at an awkward angle and keep your eyes open while I blow air into your eyes. Okay, now come stand in the hall and read the lowest line you can. Can you read the line above the giant 'E'? No? Okay, you can go look at glasses while you wait for the eye doctor." Seriously. So, I was "looking" at glasses the best that I could without my contacts in, and the office assistant came up behind me and asked a question. Now, what I heard was, "Are you wearing your contacts?" So I answered, "No, not right now." Simple question, simple answer. Andrea, who was also there, started laughing and said, "Yes, she is Amy." Now, I was really confused. Apparently the assistant had asked if I was Amy, to which I responded, "No, not right now...." "No, I'm not Amy right now. Check back in a few minutes to see who I am then."
3- Now, this last one happened just a couple weeks ago. Now, it's not quite as embarrassing as the others, but it does perhaps question whether or not I truly deserve the college degree I just earned. You know the part of graduation that takes forever while everyone is presented with their "diploma" and gets their picture taken like 12 times? Yeah, well I was near the end of the line, so I go to stand and wait for everyone to go before me. Now, the people taking pictures try to make it as easy as possible for you to do the right thing during the shot. They even have footprint outlines taped to the floor for you to stand on so you're in the right spot. Well, I went through the first one no problem. The next one was the one where you stand hold your diploma while standing next to the president of UVU and shake someone's hand who you don't really know and smile for the camera. Again, piece of cake. Well, somehow I missed the memo that they were going to be taking pictures when you got down from the stage as well. So I stood there kind of confused for a second, and then I held up my diploma cover and smiled. Guys. I held up my diploma cover with the wrong side facing the camera. They got a shot of the nice green back, rather than the inscribed "Utah Valley University" on the front. I promise I worked hard to get my degree, even if it seems difficult for me to hold my diploma cover the right way for a camera.
These are seriously the most embarrassing stories I've been able to come up with to share--at least that are appropriate for all audiences and don't incriminate anyone else. I mean, I've definitely had those moments where you think someone is waving to you and you wave back, only to realize they were waving to someone behind you, and you hastily start scratching your neck or combing your fingers through your hair to make it look like you weren't really waving. But the embarrassment with those one moments are a little shorter lived than for these stories I've just told.
Until I have another incriminating moment, goodbye blogging world!
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